Lead Story

Maestro Lymie

If truth be beauty and beauty truth, then what could be more striking than the sight of a man or beast or bestial man demonstrating his god given gifts in their natural setting: an eagle gliding effortlessly aloft on invisible currents of air; an Arabian stallion galloping along a ribbon of sand; Michael Jordan rising above a shaken defender for a pull-up jumper at the buzzer. I submit for your appreciation a moment from this week’s game which I believe deserves its place in that shining gallery of greatness.

In a game of Iron Cross, Lymie elevated his talent for bad poker from a mere curiosity to high art, indeed. Not only did he lose, but by the time the pot was collected by the winner, he had unraveled to a mystified table a web of errors more complicated and nuanced than a Mahler symphony.

Though a group of graduate students are still deciphering the end results, we know at this time that Lymie claimed to win the low even though he had:

1) Folded several betting rounds earlier and was out of the hand.

2) Walked away from the table (to pour himself a scotch.)

3) Went shy an unknown amount, since it could not be determined when he started betting again.

4) Didn't even have the winning hand as stated in the first place.

5) Miscalled his hand.

6) Demanded to keep his shy--the considerable amount of money he borrowed from the pot to stay in the game he folded from and lost.

7) Finally threw his shy back in the pot without counting it.

The event could scarcely be believed to have happened spontaneously. No one person had ever been so wrong on so many levels simultaneously. The other players could only console their profound bewilderment by concluding that the event was a carefully executed performance art piece, and a brilliant one at that. This theorem was bolstered by the event’s close proximity to the avant-guard museum PS1. Strangely, there were no formal reviews in any of the major journals today, but perhaps they are waiting for a front page column in this weeks Sunday edition. Surely this will go down as one of the greatest and most richly layered poker table performances since Koneo burped, farted, and sneezed at the same time. Bravo, Lymie .