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Lead Story, April 24, 2001
A Hank-less Endeavor.
(A Special Report From Edict Emeritus)
What’s Missing From This Picture?
Want a hint? Check out the stats from this week’s edition of
TNP:
Misdeals = 0
Spills = 0
Food complaints = 0
Homoerotic pokes and prods = 0
Bellicose arguments over inane issues = 0
Noise levels exceeding NASCAR maximums = 0
There’s no need to continue enumerating the elements of this
Tuesday’s blissfully congenial game. Though nearly impossible to remember the
last time TNP could be described as congenial, it’s a cinch to identify why: a
HANK-LESS game.
Hank reportedly spent last Tuesday night in Washington, DC,
“talking” to some Democratic politicians. You could say that he’s
performing a popular civic duty. After all, a handful of Hank harangues should
provoke a bigger exodus from DC than term limits could ever achieve. But why
pick on the Democrats first, Hank?
Rest assured that this week’s TNP did provide its share of
classic elements. The squirrel amassed a nut fortress early in the evening and
was never seen or heard from again.
Seńor Spill’s elbow sent a half-full Heineken teetering
before a miraculous rescue. And back-a-buck’s erratic betting dispatched him
into $50 loser-land and a desperate late-night search for “sumthin’ strongah.”
Miscellaneous notes:
Food from Campo, Argentinian restaurant; empanadas and salad;
universal acclaim; “best empanadas in NYC...as good as the best in Buenos
Aires.” —EE. Also, excellent chimichurri (sauce).
Quote
of the night from Chowhound: “If I’m only one-fourth as obnoxious as my
brother, it’s still a lot.”
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