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Lead Story. May 8, 2001
Wheeling and Misdealing.
Ok, we all know by now that Koneo
is a "problem-dealer." But last night he shattered all known
records in erroneous card distribution.
It all started, or should I say: didn't start, at 8:00pm when
I confidently burst through Koneo's dirt-red-pre-war-metal-clad door and made a
bee line for the pantry. "I'm fucking starving...whaddyagot in this
here place?" "PIE!" Koneo shouted proudly as he produced two
exotic-looking crust-enrobed beauties. "They're I-talian. One's
meat, the other's veggie."
"Sweet."
"Who's playing tonight?" I probed after hearing
rumors of of a Hank-less and possibly completely Hauser-free game. "Hank
and Chowhound are out", he said. I could see a broad smile wax
over his face. He knew that he had attained the holy grail of hosting: no Hank
and no Chowhound reduced
the risk of argument, fistfight, and tinnitis by at least 87%.
"This is going to be a peace-fest", I said
"Who's playing in their place?"
"Seņor Jay."
"Eeesh, what'll we do after 10:30 when he ducks out."
"Play with 6."
Players rolled in at about 8:40pm not bad for an 8:00 game.
First Dano, Lymie, and Jay,
then Redcard: already
boozed up from a prior engagement. By then the pies were hot and
diner was served and eaten without argument at Koneo's evergreen felt-draped
mid-century-mod conference table. "Mmmm...good pie."
Edict
arrived at 9:00pm, late and unapologetic as usual.
Jay seemed troubled. The Knick's first-round exit from
the playoffs weighed heavy upon his gentle soul. He perked up a bit when I
engaged him in a discussion about Jeff Van Gundy, but I could see an ocean of
melancholy swell behind his pale eyes and quickly changed the subject.
"We could be watching them now," he muttered to himself,
"....if...they didn't...lose..."
Cards were quickly dealt and Jay won an early hand which
fortified his demeanor, though, fittingly, it was a "Jay-Pot."
Somehow the discussion turned to the subject of marriage and
Koneo leaked the news that he was officially engaged. Congratulations and
backslaps were offered by everyone and the happy news created some
chatter. Lymie seemed uneasy almost shaken by the subject.
"You're next" I said referring to his white-hot romance of the last
year with a southern belle he met on the job. Lymie's been
"through the ringer" twice already in his lifetime and that comment
left him speechless. "Ah might be aimin' for a Bastard this
time." A man's got to know when he's licked. "We'll just
call you 'Common-law Brewer' then, huh?" I replied. Lymie's upper lip
vanished as he nodded his head in acceptance of the moniker. I guess that
suited him fine, though I'm certain we'll revisit this subject
again before long.
Edict was losing horribly all night and had to issue
convertible debt issues to cover his losses. He claimed to be
"up" year to date but I'm not so sure he's in full compliance with
G.A.P. standards given his many deep losses.
Maybe it was the thought of his impending commitment or just
the beer, but sometime after 11pm Koneo's shaky dealing style completely collapsed. He
misdealt simple 7-Stud 3 times in a row on the same hand: shattering his
previous record and creating a completely new category. After the first
two misdeals, he defiantly tried to pin the blame on others. After
the third, he cut his losses and wisely gave the deal his full attention.
Apparently the effort left him exhausted since we had to wake and remind him to
deal the additional cards after each round of betting. After another
argument-free round of hands, he misdealt a fourth and final time to cap the
evening with a bang.
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