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Player File: Edict
Other Aliases: Edict
Emeritus (EE), Ballistic, Chrissy, Cookie Monster, Cookie-Puss, Clinestein, DN-Lover.
General Characteristics: As elder-statesman of our game, Edict’s enthusiasm, physical
conditioning, and general horn-doggedness “puts most of the younger guys to
shame.” Ever the renaissance-man our favorite sesquigenarian vegetarian
braziliophile speaks at
least 7 languages; has a Stanford MBA; is proficient in a variety of
“genteel” sports; is a consummate grammarian; is usually adorned in the
latest “preppy fashions”; and chews his food at least 20 times before
swallowing. This begs the
question…What the fuck is he doing hanging around with us?
Well, while on the surface,
EE seems to be a card-carrying member of the Übermenschen (he’s certainly old enough,)
we all know that deep down inside he’s really a quivering “nipple
obsessed,” poker-aholic, and “compulsive masturbator,” with an un-natural
affinity for frozen cherry-coke. He
has a bizarre and perverse behavioral reaction to certain types of cookies. He
has a tendency to go completely “ballistic” especially over garbage disposal
and chip/food touching incidents, much to the amusement of the other players;
and, he insists on playing a childish non-poker game (Cincinnatti) when it’s
his turn to deal.
But despite his peculiar
duality, Edict remains one of the most beloved players in our game.
He’s fair, he’s honest, and he’s…old.
And as he blows past 50 in his new twin-turbo Audi that just screams
“mid-life-crisis,” we are happy because he is happy. He gives us faith that
life could be as good for us in 15-20 years. Of
course, it might just be the Viagra.
Most Likely To:
show up late, still be eating after everyone else has finished, not want to go
home, take viagra, reach 100, view porn, get discounted movie tickets, laugh
uncontrollably (cookie-monster,) break wind, have spontaneous emission at the
sight of the mythical DN, masturbate after the game, go completely ballistic,
kill Hank.
Least Likely to:
bluff, arrive on time, misspell, misdeal, eat meat, tolerate garbage disposal
tomfoolery.
Favorite Game: Cincinnati
When not playing poker
he's: Trying
to keep his wife occupied.
Links: [Edict's Page] [Email Edict]
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